I and You is Becoming We...

I’m sitting here trying to go through letters and gifts and am overcome. So many crazy emotions; how did I get here? Is this real life? All of these precious people really love me? Can this be true? Am I really one month away from marrying the man of my dreams?

And then, if I’m honest there’s a slight freak out moment. This is a big, rest of your life decision, one of those you shouldn’t ever take lightly. How can there be so much joy and apprehension in one sentence? I’m about to get married. That’s a life-long, no getting out of it, forever, covenant. One that covers and blesses and refines and sometimes hurts. {deep breath} There is no doubt in me so there’s no fear… no real fear anyway, peace is covering this, I know that I know but with that knowing there’s apprehension for the unknown. This is stepping into a realm that I’ve seen and studied and learned from but have never actually been. I know it will change everything, not drastically but it will touch every single area of my life with a touch that won’t be undone and shouldn’t be avoided. I and you is becoming we.

A heart’s desire meets a fleshly self and the collision will leave the self undone. That wish to die daily now becomes a necessity. I am no longer my own on a deeply personal, in-your-face-with-bad-breath kind of level. And I’m choosing it. I want this. I want him. I want to be by his side everyday, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health. I want to love him more than I love myself and I can see how that process might be a little rocky but it will be worth it.

I understand now why people call it “taking the plunge” or a “step of faith”. You are trusting your heart to someone forever knowing they are imperfect, knowing they have flaws and infinitely hoping that you can show them you love them as much as you know they love you. For my deeply over-analytical brain it won’t make sense and can’t make sense. And therein lies the beauty. Oh, to love and be loved. To be unafraid and dare greatly. To take one step at a time towards the voice you know and trust more than any other. {ok, that one I can do}.

And for it all to be inexplicably woven with your faith and love for a completely trust-worthy, forever faithful God. The joy becomes near unbearable and definitely brings tears.

good + faithful

This has been one of the most interesting seasons of my life so far... I'm sure there are many more to come but this one takes the cake.

Through every area of my life God has been highlighting, underlining and in all other ways emphasizing He is both good and faithful.

I started out in January in awe of God's faithfulness. I journal at the beginning of each new year; I write down the things God has done and the things I feel He is promising for the new year. It is so sweet to remember and then look to the future. GOD IS FAITHFUL. I can lose sight of that truth too often. My worries or concerns get too in focus and I quickly forget that God has always been faithful and always comes through; not always how I expect and not always exactly how I would like but many times better and more fully than I can recognize in the moment.

So there I am for a few months in awe of God's faithfulness and I hear Him begin to whisper into the corners of my heart that He is not only faithful He is good. The two HAVE to go together. He cannot be faithful without being good and He cannot be good without being faithful. That is WHO HE IS, not just attributes but the very essence of Him.

Here's why that was such a big deal... somehow I had been separating the two. Because God hadn't quite met my expectations or my time frame or my dreams exactly how I thought He would (and at times even thought He said He would) I was doubting His goodness. I couldn't doubt His faithfulness, He has always answered, always been there, always been the best of friends and fathers but somewhere in my heart a chasm had been forming. It seems silly even typing it out, I don't know how the two can even be separated but that had been happening.

The process of bringing the two back together and believing God is who He says He is has been interesting; many tears, much stubbornness, a few battles of the mind and some of the sweetest moments of my life. Getting self and the world out is a painful process, especially when we feel we have the right to hold God accountable for something. But the truth is, He is God, I am not. He gets to do whatever He wants, however He wants, whenever He wants and as a Christian I have chosen and committed to His lordship. But that's only half the picture. Because He is not only Lord, He is a good and faithful Lord, Father, Friend and Provider. And then not only that, He's not just good and faithful in those areas, He is GOOD and FAITHFUL. Period.

All of the sudden, this life that can seem so hard and full of trials fades, it doesn't go away, God still has to work it all together for my good and for the good of all those who love Him but it fades in comparison to WHO HE IS. I am so thankful He is both good and faithful. I can claim, rejoice and rest in that power-packed truth. 

The Game of Life

It's been awhile since I've sat down to type in this venue and a lot has happened, it normally does.

There has been so much going on that I was up at 3am a few nights ago thinking about all of it. I was thinking about a lot of the people I care about and praying (the 3am prayer wake up call happens more often than I can honestly say I like :)

To wind down and help turn off my brain a few hours later I pulled out my phone to play the Game of Life. I had downloaded it for one of my younger friends recently. I started it as normal, blue car and the character Rachel. I always choose to go to college (it's worth the debt), I pulled the lawyer card and was pretty excited to make $90,000 every time I passed a pay day. I invested in the number nine, got engaged (yes! a life tile!), got married, had a baby girl and kept spinning the wheel. At the crossroads, I chose the normal Path of Life over the Family Path and the Normal Path of Life over going to Night School and the normal Path of Life over the Risky Path. That was a little different, I normally like the abnormal choices. 

I finished the game with the highest score yet. 

And I became painfully aware of the point of the whole game. The goal of the Game of Life is be worth the most at the end. The player with the largest figure next to their name is the winner. 

I sat there for a moment. We actually have a game about life where the highest goal is to amass wealth. I realized that's why I had not chosen the Family Path or the Risky Path or Night School. I wasn't playing with young learners, I wasn't trying to be an example, I was only motivated to beat the computer (I did by the way). 

It was a silly example but it brought into a fresh light the fact that the vision and goal clearly determined my choices even at 5am! 

I feel like it's been a season of God clarifying my vision and setting some new goals. I know I am making choices right now based on that fact. 

The thing is life is incredibly more complex than a game, beautifully so. And my God is so much bigger than all of that complexity. He has been so faithful in my life and so good. He is who He says He is and I trust Him. I don't have to make my choices alone based on an empty goal and I am so incredibly grateful for that fact. 

I don't always know what's best and I can rarely tell you what is actually coming next, I might as well be spinning a wheel and moving a few spaces! I am very human but He loves me and guides me and covers my foolishness with His grace. 

I hope you know Him like that. If not, I hope you choose to take a step closer to Him right now. Surrender some control, invite Him into your choices, ask Him what the goal is... He loves you.

Ephesians 1:15-17

¹⁵ For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, ¹⁶ I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. ¹⁷ I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.

Growth in Time

This year has been incredible. I have sat across the table from so many individuals in complete awe of what God has done in their lives, knowing it could only be God who could bring about such perfect peace in breath-taking change.

I watched Furious Love last night and am further left in awe of what God is doing around the world.

There have been moments in my life when I have glimpsed the pain and brokenness of this world and my heart has been broken, my response has been to question why God tarries. Why does He not simply come back and put it all to right? Bring justice and love and mercy and peace flooding into the hearts of those who have never experienced it. He has the power, He could do it.

What He has been opening my eyes to this year is He is bringing justice and love and mercy and peace flooding into the hearts of those who have never experienced it EVERY DAY. He has the power and He is doing it. And the more days there are the more people who experience His perfect love.

I am so incredibly grateful to serve the living God who IS love and who is loving people all over the world through His children right now. And while my heart aches for His return, I can't ask that He return today, there are too many who don't know Him yet... and I love joining Him in that "yet." It's what we're called to do, let's be the hands and feet of Jesus as we love people today.

#elevategirlsthankfulchallenge

One of the most amazing women in my life recently challenged us girls to post on instagram, twitter or facebook each day with something we're thankful for. 

Here's the deal, I don't normally like the trending stuff, if everyone else is doing it I tend to be pretty cynical. "Do they really mean that? // They're just looking for an excuse to post." And typing it out I realize how ridiculous that is! Who am I to judge? And what better thing to be trending than a daily post about what you're thankful for!!! I mean seriously, with everything we have going on in the world right now, a grateful heart in any capacity is a welcome relief.

So let's do it! This is my official challenge to you {no matter the gender}, can you find something you're thankful for everyday? Let's start focusing on our blessings. 

Don't forget to #elevategirlsthankfulchallenge on each post!

{This is also my accountability ;) if you don't see a post from me, feel free to call me out}

Paths

This has been a recurring revelation in my need-to-know, fear prone, control-freak mind:

What was the last thing God said? Do it.

Where are you now? Keep going, straight ahead.

He directs my steps. He knows the plan, I don't have to see it from beginning to end. My responsibility is to trust and obey.

I'm good with pictures, seeing it helps me understand. I'm on a hike at the moment (taking a break for a minute).

There are so many parallels between life and a path. Every person's path looks different, even when they're traveling the same way at the same time, some are running, some are paired together, father and daughter, a married couple, a man with his two faithful, having-so-much-fun dogs...

We've all been here before but you still look for the signs, am I on the right path? Was I supposed to turn back there?should I take the longer path or the shorter one?

Despite how you answer those questions you only answer them with certainty at a crossroads when you're staring at the map. Between checkpoints you follow the path, you keep going in the direction of the last directive. Sometimes you don't know if you took a wrong turn until you get to the next point but ultimately you figure it out (and it was probably better anyway).

Your choice in between check points is to simply enjoy the hike (probably why you came out in the first place) or not.

So many times I waste precious in between time worrying about things that can only be answered at checkpoints instead of enjoying the journey.

If you're a Christian, you're seeking God, and He has your heart, calm down you might be in the in between, you might be on the beautiful path, probably the exact one God has for you.

Don't worry about what can only be answered at the checkpoints (God determines those) and don't waste joy in comparison. It might not be your season to run and do you really want all the responsibility of a dog right now?

God has His perfect way of making it clear, He's laid out a lot of it in scripture. Start there, lay the foundation of trust and enjoy the path of life, it's too beautiful to miss.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Acceptance & Joy

Reading through Acts is always refreshing to me, I love when I get there in my one year Bible reading! This year the thing I am most struck by is the acceptance of the Gentiles into the family of God.

Now, I am very thankful for this fact, I wouldn't be saved without it but the smoothness of the transition in just a few chapters of the Bible leaves me in awe of how much Christ had touched the hearts of those He had called.

I mean these were Israelites, those chosen by God from almost the beginning of time. They were His special people and while that included being priests to all nations, you don't see them harping on that theme a lot. The Pharisees, Saduccees and other religious leaders were the ones who were fighting so hard to keep their uniqueness provided by the Law that they murdered their Savior.

But here's the deal, the first several thousand Christians were all Jews. Many were religious leaders. This fits with their outlook on life, they're still the chosen ones, they're still the people who's God is The Lord and who sent His son as Messiah.

Then the Gentiles get involved. God starts pouring out salvation revelation accompanied by His Holy Spirit. And do you know what the gut reaction is of the Jewish believers?! They REJOICE.

The church sent the delegates to Jerusalem, and they stopped along the way in Phoenicia and Samaria to visit the believers. They told them—much to everyone’s joy—that the Gentiles, too, were being converted.

He made no distinction between us and them, for he cleansed their hearts through faith. so that the rest of humanity might seek the Lord, including the Gentiles—
all those I have called to be mine.
The Lord has spoken— (Acts 15:3, 9, 17 NLT)

I LOVE THIS and I want to be like this. Empty of pride and full of love rejoicing when what God has spoken occurs.

I'm not always that way, I often selfishly wonder when Gods going to move in my life when everything seems to be going a friend's way. In those moments, I seem to completely forget that Christ paid it all on the cross, I deserve nothing (worse than nothing) and received everything.

He was the difference maker in the Jewish believers' lives. He was the reason their gut reaction was joy and not pride. May it be so in our lives! I want to know Him like that and rejoice with others always.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone