I and You is Becoming We...

I’m sitting here trying to go through letters and gifts and am overcome. So many crazy emotions; how did I get here? Is this real life? All of these precious people really love me? Can this be true? Am I really one month away from marrying the man of my dreams?

And then, if I’m honest there’s a slight freak out moment. This is a big, rest of your life decision, one of those you shouldn’t ever take lightly. How can there be so much joy and apprehension in one sentence? I’m about to get married. That’s a life-long, no getting out of it, forever, covenant. One that covers and blesses and refines and sometimes hurts. {deep breath} There is no doubt in me so there’s no fear… no real fear anyway, peace is covering this, I know that I know but with that knowing there’s apprehension for the unknown. This is stepping into a realm that I’ve seen and studied and learned from but have never actually been. I know it will change everything, not drastically but it will touch every single area of my life with a touch that won’t be undone and shouldn’t be avoided. I and you is becoming we.

A heart’s desire meets a fleshly self and the collision will leave the self undone. That wish to die daily now becomes a necessity. I am no longer my own on a deeply personal, in-your-face-with-bad-breath kind of level. And I’m choosing it. I want this. I want him. I want to be by his side everyday, through thick and thin, in sickness and in health. I want to love him more than I love myself and I can see how that process might be a little rocky but it will be worth it.

I understand now why people call it “taking the plunge” or a “step of faith”. You are trusting your heart to someone forever knowing they are imperfect, knowing they have flaws and infinitely hoping that you can show them you love them as much as you know they love you. For my deeply over-analytical brain it won’t make sense and can’t make sense. And therein lies the beauty. Oh, to love and be loved. To be unafraid and dare greatly. To take one step at a time towards the voice you know and trust more than any other. {ok, that one I can do}.

And for it all to be inexplicably woven with your faith and love for a completely trust-worthy, forever faithful God. The joy becomes near unbearable and definitely brings tears.

good + faithful

This has been one of the most interesting seasons of my life so far... I'm sure there are many more to come but this one takes the cake.

Through every area of my life God has been highlighting, underlining and in all other ways emphasizing He is both good and faithful.

I started out in January in awe of God's faithfulness. I journal at the beginning of each new year; I write down the things God has done and the things I feel He is promising for the new year. It is so sweet to remember and then look to the future. GOD IS FAITHFUL. I can lose sight of that truth too often. My worries or concerns get too in focus and I quickly forget that God has always been faithful and always comes through; not always how I expect and not always exactly how I would like but many times better and more fully than I can recognize in the moment.

So there I am for a few months in awe of God's faithfulness and I hear Him begin to whisper into the corners of my heart that He is not only faithful He is good. The two HAVE to go together. He cannot be faithful without being good and He cannot be good without being faithful. That is WHO HE IS, not just attributes but the very essence of Him.

Here's why that was such a big deal... somehow I had been separating the two. Because God hadn't quite met my expectations or my time frame or my dreams exactly how I thought He would (and at times even thought He said He would) I was doubting His goodness. I couldn't doubt His faithfulness, He has always answered, always been there, always been the best of friends and fathers but somewhere in my heart a chasm had been forming. It seems silly even typing it out, I don't know how the two can even be separated but that had been happening.

The process of bringing the two back together and believing God is who He says He is has been interesting; many tears, much stubbornness, a few battles of the mind and some of the sweetest moments of my life. Getting self and the world out is a painful process, especially when we feel we have the right to hold God accountable for something. But the truth is, He is God, I am not. He gets to do whatever He wants, however He wants, whenever He wants and as a Christian I have chosen and committed to His lordship. But that's only half the picture. Because He is not only Lord, He is a good and faithful Lord, Father, Friend and Provider. And then not only that, He's not just good and faithful in those areas, He is GOOD and FAITHFUL. Period.

All of the sudden, this life that can seem so hard and full of trials fades, it doesn't go away, God still has to work it all together for my good and for the good of all those who love Him but it fades in comparison to WHO HE IS. I am so thankful He is both good and faithful. I can claim, rejoice and rest in that power-packed truth. 

The Game of Life

It's been awhile since I've sat down to type in this venue and a lot has happened, it normally does.

There has been so much going on that I was up at 3am a few nights ago thinking about all of it. I was thinking about a lot of the people I care about and praying (the 3am prayer wake up call happens more often than I can honestly say I like :)

To wind down and help turn off my brain a few hours later I pulled out my phone to play the Game of Life. I had downloaded it for one of my younger friends recently. I started it as normal, blue car and the character Rachel. I always choose to go to college (it's worth the debt), I pulled the lawyer card and was pretty excited to make $90,000 every time I passed a pay day. I invested in the number nine, got engaged (yes! a life tile!), got married, had a baby girl and kept spinning the wheel. At the crossroads, I chose the normal Path of Life over the Family Path and the Normal Path of Life over going to Night School and the normal Path of Life over the Risky Path. That was a little different, I normally like the abnormal choices. 

I finished the game with the highest score yet. 

And I became painfully aware of the point of the whole game. The goal of the Game of Life is be worth the most at the end. The player with the largest figure next to their name is the winner. 

I sat there for a moment. We actually have a game about life where the highest goal is to amass wealth. I realized that's why I had not chosen the Family Path or the Risky Path or Night School. I wasn't playing with young learners, I wasn't trying to be an example, I was only motivated to beat the computer (I did by the way). 

It was a silly example but it brought into a fresh light the fact that the vision and goal clearly determined my choices even at 5am! 

I feel like it's been a season of God clarifying my vision and setting some new goals. I know I am making choices right now based on that fact. 

The thing is life is incredibly more complex than a game, beautifully so. And my God is so much bigger than all of that complexity. He has been so faithful in my life and so good. He is who He says He is and I trust Him. I don't have to make my choices alone based on an empty goal and I am so incredibly grateful for that fact. 

I don't always know what's best and I can rarely tell you what is actually coming next, I might as well be spinning a wheel and moving a few spaces! I am very human but He loves me and guides me and covers my foolishness with His grace. 

I hope you know Him like that. If not, I hope you choose to take a step closer to Him right now. Surrender some control, invite Him into your choices, ask Him what the goal is... He loves you.

Ephesians 1:15-17

¹⁵ For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, ¹⁶ I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. ¹⁷ I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.

Growth in Time

This year has been incredible. I have sat across the table from so many individuals in complete awe of what God has done in their lives, knowing it could only be God who could bring about such perfect peace in breath-taking change.

I watched Furious Love last night and am further left in awe of what God is doing around the world.

There have been moments in my life when I have glimpsed the pain and brokenness of this world and my heart has been broken, my response has been to question why God tarries. Why does He not simply come back and put it all to right? Bring justice and love and mercy and peace flooding into the hearts of those who have never experienced it. He has the power, He could do it.

What He has been opening my eyes to this year is He is bringing justice and love and mercy and peace flooding into the hearts of those who have never experienced it EVERY DAY. He has the power and He is doing it. And the more days there are the more people who experience His perfect love.

I am so incredibly grateful to serve the living God who IS love and who is loving people all over the world through His children right now. And while my heart aches for His return, I can't ask that He return today, there are too many who don't know Him yet... and I love joining Him in that "yet." It's what we're called to do, let's be the hands and feet of Jesus as we love people today.

#elevategirlsthankfulchallenge

One of the most amazing women in my life recently challenged us girls to post on instagram, twitter or facebook each day with something we're thankful for. 

Here's the deal, I don't normally like the trending stuff, if everyone else is doing it I tend to be pretty cynical. "Do they really mean that? // They're just looking for an excuse to post." And typing it out I realize how ridiculous that is! Who am I to judge? And what better thing to be trending than a daily post about what you're thankful for!!! I mean seriously, with everything we have going on in the world right now, a grateful heart in any capacity is a welcome relief.

So let's do it! This is my official challenge to you {no matter the gender}, can you find something you're thankful for everyday? Let's start focusing on our blessings. 

Don't forget to #elevategirlsthankfulchallenge on each post!

{This is also my accountability ;) if you don't see a post from me, feel free to call me out}

Paths

This has been a recurring revelation in my need-to-know, fear prone, control-freak mind:

What was the last thing God said? Do it.

Where are you now? Keep going, straight ahead.

He directs my steps. He knows the plan, I don't have to see it from beginning to end. My responsibility is to trust and obey.

I'm good with pictures, seeing it helps me understand. I'm on a hike at the moment (taking a break for a minute).

There are so many parallels between life and a path. Every person's path looks different, even when they're traveling the same way at the same time, some are running, some are paired together, father and daughter, a married couple, a man with his two faithful, having-so-much-fun dogs...

We've all been here before but you still look for the signs, am I on the right path? Was I supposed to turn back there?should I take the longer path or the shorter one?

Despite how you answer those questions you only answer them with certainty at a crossroads when you're staring at the map. Between checkpoints you follow the path, you keep going in the direction of the last directive. Sometimes you don't know if you took a wrong turn until you get to the next point but ultimately you figure it out (and it was probably better anyway).

Your choice in between check points is to simply enjoy the hike (probably why you came out in the first place) or not.

So many times I waste precious in between time worrying about things that can only be answered at checkpoints instead of enjoying the journey.

If you're a Christian, you're seeking God, and He has your heart, calm down you might be in the in between, you might be on the beautiful path, probably the exact one God has for you.

Don't worry about what can only be answered at the checkpoints (God determines those) and don't waste joy in comparison. It might not be your season to run and do you really want all the responsibility of a dog right now?

God has His perfect way of making it clear, He's laid out a lot of it in scripture. Start there, lay the foundation of trust and enjoy the path of life, it's too beautiful to miss.

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Acceptance & Joy

Reading through Acts is always refreshing to me, I love when I get there in my one year Bible reading! This year the thing I am most struck by is the acceptance of the Gentiles into the family of God.

Now, I am very thankful for this fact, I wouldn't be saved without it but the smoothness of the transition in just a few chapters of the Bible leaves me in awe of how much Christ had touched the hearts of those He had called.

I mean these were Israelites, those chosen by God from almost the beginning of time. They were His special people and while that included being priests to all nations, you don't see them harping on that theme a lot. The Pharisees, Saduccees and other religious leaders were the ones who were fighting so hard to keep their uniqueness provided by the Law that they murdered their Savior.

But here's the deal, the first several thousand Christians were all Jews. Many were religious leaders. This fits with their outlook on life, they're still the chosen ones, they're still the people who's God is The Lord and who sent His son as Messiah.

Then the Gentiles get involved. God starts pouring out salvation revelation accompanied by His Holy Spirit. And do you know what the gut reaction is of the Jewish believers?! They REJOICE.

The church sent the delegates to Jerusalem, and they stopped along the way in Phoenicia and Samaria to visit the believers. They told them—much to everyone’s joy—that the Gentiles, too, were being converted.

He made no distinction between us and them, for he cleansed their hearts through faith. so that the rest of humanity might seek the Lord, including the Gentiles—
all those I have called to be mine.
The Lord has spoken— (Acts 15:3, 9, 17 NLT)

I LOVE THIS and I want to be like this. Empty of pride and full of love rejoicing when what God has spoken occurs.

I'm not always that way, I often selfishly wonder when Gods going to move in my life when everything seems to be going a friend's way. In those moments, I seem to completely forget that Christ paid it all on the cross, I deserve nothing (worse than nothing) and received everything.

He was the difference maker in the Jewish believers' lives. He was the reason their gut reaction was joy and not pride. May it be so in our lives! I want to know Him like that and rejoice with others always.

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Shine

So "shine" has been a recurring theme in my life lately and I kind of love it. :)

I started researching "shine" in the old testament, the verses about Moses' face shining and God's favor shining on David in Psalms. I fell in love with those verses. I knew I wanted to be one who not only acted like Jesus but shone like Him. I want people to know when I've been in the presence of God, there's a difference. And I love the idea of God's face shining on me as He looks on me with favor.

When I say there's a difference, here's what I mean... You can survive in life, you can accomplish things in life, daily even but you can do all of that without anyone seeing Christ in you. Or you can glow... you can choose joy despite your circumstances, you can choose to trust God and His faithfulness above all else, you can hope in the anchor of His love. You can walk in the confidence of His favor and grace on your life.

Here are a few of those verses just for you:

Exodus 34:29

It came about when Moses was coming down from Mount Sinai (and the two tablets of the testimony were in Moses’ hand as he was coming down from the mountain), that Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone because of his speaking with Him.

Numbers 6:24-26

The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.’

Psalm 31:16

Make Your face to shine upon Your servant; Save me in Your lovingkindness.

Psalm 119:135
Make Your face shine upon Your servant, And teach me Your statutes.

John 15:5

I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.

What If...

Last weekend I was at a leadership retreat on a beautiful lake. For a bit on Saturday they asked us to go spend time with God, however that looked for us. I immediately started off in my non-hiking shoes to explore and pray. After hiking up and down and back up a hill and nearly spraining my ankle I stopped and sat on an old log. I opened my journal and started writing. I've shared what came out a few times this week and then realized if it was something I needed to hear and something several people in my life needed to hear, sharing it on here might be a good idea.

What If....
Such powerful little words. They can be so full of regret tinged with shame or they can be a start to a wonderful adventure.

{Questions started pouring through my brain; what if I missed it? What if this isn't where I'm supposed to be? What if I messed it up? What if I was wrong? And I gently felt the Holy Spirit say, "Flip it."}

What if I missed it? - becomes- What if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be? 

{And it took off from there.}

What if everything God says is true?

What if there are no mistakes, only opportunities?

What if I lived guilt-free?

What if there really is so much more?

What if fear is the only thing holding me back?

What if I let all my insecurities fall away?

{My heart was soaring and filling with the possibility of it all...}

I love the concept of abundant life, the kind Jesus promised in John 10:10. Through the process of this week I've started to realize one aspect of abundant life is hope for what God is doing RIGHT NOW, not just hope for what He's going to do in the future.

HOME

In the last few months I've gotten to tell my story several times. The thing that has stuck out to me again and again as I was telling it: HOME.

I went to give blood the other day (it's one way to save a life) and they asked me to confirm my address. I spouted off four addresses before we landed on the one they had on record. In the past five years I've had a least five different addresses and that's not counting Europe. And in the past five years home has come to mean so much more than an address or location...

2008 was a year of transition, to say the least. It contained my last two semesters of college, a study abroad adventure, the death of my Papa, a nannying position in the Grand Caymans, a Jr. High Poverty Simulation in Waco and a bad case of pneumonia and that was all before August! When August did come around and I was beginning my final semester of school, with the economy taking a bit of a nose-dive and no plan on where to go next, I was feeling a little shaken up. It was funny though my worries weren't as much financial, it was something more, something deeper.

I needed a home, a place of belonging and I wasn't sure where that was or was going to be.

I felt like I had outgrown my particular place in Waco, I was very involved in my church and in serving there but studying abroad had opened my eyes and heart to a grace I had never before experienced or witnessed. While my place and time in Waco was precious I knew that season was coming to an end. And my mind was awhirl with the possibilities, promises and fear of it all.

If it wasn't Waco, where was I supposed to be? McKinney? I hadn't really put roots down there in the year and a half before college. Midland? That was now five years/a lifetime ago. But Lord, You call us to spiritual family, You call us to a body, where is mine? Where is my home?

My heart ached with this question. But I was somewhat confused, all of my life I have wanted to be a missionary, to do mission work; isn't part of that not really having a place to call your own?

Fast forward a few months, I had interviewed with a few people and was standing in a worship service in Keller, TX.  I was worshipping my God, thanking Him for what He was doing, choosing to stand in faith and sing even though I had no idea what the next step was.

"Darling, your home is wherever I AM." And just like that, peace.

This is a concept that I'm still learning. While I have a set address in Keller and an amazing spiritual family and a taste of home, this isn't it. This is a reflection of a whole I have yet to fully experience. Same for you, you're not created for this Earth, your heart longs for perfect union with your Creator.

One of my favorite songs by Hillsong has a line that I love, "We run to Your throne, where we belong..." That sense of belonging and sense of home can only be fully fulfilled in Him and I am so grateful for that fact!

He is HOME.

Writing Again

I promised my sister before she left (more on that later) that I would start blogging again... So here it goes:

So many things in my life haven't turned out how I expected they would... Its funny to even say that because I don't remember ever setting specific expectations and timelines but there were probably vague ones (I don't know if any of us can avoid them). 

This summer has been interesting along those lines, there have been moments of absolute contentment mixed with days of extreme dissatisfaction almost to the point where I've felt a little crazy only to step back and realize the key word: "felt". Oh, those feelings... They can get us in so much trouble! 

Sometimes they're great, like when they indicate something is wrong and you dig a little deeper to find the truth that sheds light on the issue or when you're so happy you're smiling so hard your  cheeks start hurting. But most of the time I take a feeling and make it a truth instead of just letting it be the indicator or catalyst that pushes me to Truth. 

It's kind of like this weather we've been having. I'm from Texas and because it's September and because someone, somewhere is experiencing fall and because our favorite pumpkin spice latte is back at Starbucks and because seriously, it's been hot for FOREVER we feel it should be cold outside (or at least below the 100 mark). But it's not, it's hovering around 105 all this week. Now I have a choice, because of that vague expectation that coolness should begin September 1st (I'm going to go ahead and blame my 2nd grade teacher and her pretty calendar for that one) I could feel entitled to fall. Entitled and slightly disappointed when I'm still in the same season as last month while others have moved on. Or I could grab a pumpkin spice frappuccino, don a grateful smile and head to the pool. 

I'm learning to fight the feelings that tell me I'm not where I want to be or thought I would be by now, I'm learning not to look around and compare and I'm learning to look first to the One who created me. He knows what He's doing and my life is much more trustworthy in His hands than it could ever be in mine. I'm choosing that, daily.

So wherever you are right now, I hope you'll join me in surrendering the pen to the Author of life, surrender those vague or specific expectations and trust that He has something far greater. Take Him as a man of His word; He knows the plans He has for you, He promises to do much more than we could ask, think or imagine and He will give us the desires of our hearts as we delight in Him. Life is much better when I live in that place of surrender, I hope it is for you too!

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Get SOAPY

So as a church we're going through the Life Journal this year. The Life Journal is a daily Bible reading and journaling plan and I'm loving it! Here's how it works:

1) read the passages marked out for you (I do this on my phone, the YouVersion App has a Life Journal Bible reading plan option)

2) journal; S-scripture, O-observation on that scripture, A-application of that scripture, P-prayer

As I was reading and journaling this morning, one of the scriptures in Acts stood out and I wanted to share.

S- Acts 11:18 NLT
"When the others heard this, they stopped objecting and began praising God. They said, “We can see that God has also given the Gentiles the privilege of repenting of their sins and receiving eternal life.”"

O- This is one of the most critical moments for the early church. This is the response to the moment when God openly poured out His Spirit and fully forgave a completely Gentile household. Not a household that was trying to be Jewish, not "foreigners living among them" but full-blooded Gentiles.
Instead of letting insecurities rise up, instead of feeling threatened or being exclusive the leaders of the early church began praising God for what He was doing. Why? Peter, explained what happened and they recognized God's hand. They knew His voice and they trusted Him over their traditions and what they were used to. Their security and identity was in Him now, not who they once were.

A- if my security, affections and trust lie completely in Him, I will be able to accept with joy any change He brings.

P- Lord, help me position my heart and focus my eyes so completely on You that my soul is at rest and my heart is content, come what may.

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Glorify God and Enjoy Him Forever

As a church we're at the beginning of our 21 day fast and I am loving experiencing the manifest presence of God at a deeper level together.

There are so many ways I've prepared for this fast, in a lot of ways I've prepared better than I ever have. I read books on fasting, I bought all I would need for the next three weeks beforehand so I won't have to walk into a store, I mentally prepared and began drinking a whole lot of water early on all to get me to this moment of spiritual preparation.

There has been a holy expectation stirring inside of me, an intense desire to know God more and see His kingdom come on the earth but I don't think I've even begun to fathom what God wants to do as we meet and make room for Him.

As that's begun to stir in me and as I've been praying over our six prayer points as a church and over my specific prayer points, I was reminded by one of my devos this morning of what it's all about: Psalm 100, enjoying the presence of God.

Have you ever heard of Westminster's Catechism? Several older, wiser men of God got together several decades ago to biblically search out the answers to some of our most basic but hardest questions. One of them being "what is the chief end of man?" aka why do we exist? Their answer? TO GLORIFY GOD and ENJOY HIM FOREVER.

This truth keeps surfacing in my heart and mind and today that's all I want to focus on; glorifying God and enjoying Him as I'm setting aside so many other things. I truly believe that's what He wants most, everything else will fall into place from there... All of the things that are heavy on my heart, all of the things we want to see happen as a church and individually... It all begins and ends with Him. So why not take today and simply enjoy Him?

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Let's Be Honest

This last month and a half has been intense for me. So many lessons I thought I had already learned, so much insecurity. I am so thankful He promises His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I've felt very weak.

The key word there is "felt". I'm learning feelings aren't truth at an even deeper level. My reality isn't framed by how I feel. It could be and somedays I choose to see life through the haze of my emotions. Those aren't the best days.

 The really good days are when I'm letting God frame my reality. The days I choose to dwell on His truths, His word and His goodness. The days I choose to walk in all He has for me.

The best days these days are when I fail. I cannot believe I just typed that but it's true! The best days are when I judge that I've messed up in some way, I didn't walk perfectly according to what God had planned for that day or something. Those are the best days because He is so faithful to remind me of who He is and how He sees me. His truth comes alive.

He is my loving Father, my closest Friend. He knows me better than I know myself and yet, He loves me. It's in those moments I'm reminded it's not all about me anyway.

There is a whole world of people out there who need Him, they need Jesus. They need to know He loves them, wants a relationship with them and paid the ultimate price to offer them that gift. I want them to know Him. To know hope, abundant life, joy and peace in the midst of everything. At the very same time I'm realizing I need Him. I want to know Him so much more and I can see a tapestry in my head.

 I always think in pictures and when I start thinking about what God is up to and how much He loves us, I see a Master Weaver at a majestic loom meticulously weaving with absolute joy. He is creating beauty out of our mess and working all things together for the good of those who love Him. I'm thankful.

Perfect Fairytale

I just googled "perfect fairytale" and you know what came up? Thousands of wedding sites...

This has been a hard week.

Life's just like that sometimes. Hard and painful. I'm so thankful for hope.

Elevate, my church's youth ministry is raising money to build an orphanage in India. Me and a couple of my friends have been helping out by writing different content for the sponsor cards, website, and other communication pieces. My favorite piece we've written so far was a paragraph on hope.

Sometimes hope seems really far away, sometimes it's hard to see the light of other dreams as you're dying to the one right in front of you. That's what this week has felt like. While it's felt that way I'm so thankful life isn't about feelings. I'm so glad truth isn't dependent on how I feel or what I think. Truth is simple, truth is a person and I'm convinced I wouldn't be able to live my life if I didn't know Him. He's my hope.

Despite everything else that is going on. Despite all of the hurt and pain I see in this world or feel or even cause, He's bigger. He's constant. And He is love.

And while I'm not at all good at resting, I can rest in that and I'm choosing to this week.

Sometimes it's the hard and painful things in life that teach us the most and sometimes it isn't all about the lesson. I'm not sure which this falls under but to borrow one of my favorite lines ever: "All of human wisdom can be summed up in these two words; 'wait and hope.'" Wait and hope.

Guys, Girls, and God 2

So quite a lot has happened in my life in regards to this whole dating thing.

Two weeks ago I went on a blind date of sorts. I went to coffee with a friend's cousin who is conducting a christian dating research project. He's a great guy, he's never been in a relationship and he's decided to see what all the hubbub is about by going on any date someone sets him up with within the next year and blogging about it. All in all a very interesting concept... I happened to be one of those dates. The experience revealed and confirmed a lot about myself and my views on dating.

I’m not really a date to get to know you person. I like getting to know someone without the weird pressure of a date. I like getting to know someone in a group setting. I like living life with people, seeing how they respond to different pressures or situations and encouraging one another through it whether that be a guy or a girl. When it comes to dating, while I’d love to ascribe to the “get a free meal/ coffee out of the deal,” I’m just not wired that way. I don’t want to invest one on one time or one on one emotional energy unless I really like the guy and I’m pretty sure it’s going somewhere… and it takes a bit for me to get there. In short, I like to be friends first.

Well, this thought opened a can of worms. I realized I wasn't really friends with guys... pretty much because I'm convinced a girl and guy aren't friends unless there is some level of attraction there on one side or the other. It's a lot easier to avoid good friendships with someone of the opposite sex and not have to deal with any of the precarious feelings that spring up than to fight through those in the name of friendship. But I realized if I really did want to get to know someone through friendship first I would have to be their friend.

It all sounds well, good, and perfectly logical but where is the stopping point? Where is the line between friendship and dating if there's interest on both sides? Is it simply a matter of guarding your heart? How much are you responsible for their's? So many questions!

Ultimately, this whole thing is a little more complicated than I thought but I think friendships are worth it. I love what God teaches you about yourself and what He teaches you through the other person. We are made to live in community and to have solid relationships... all of this to say as a single, 23 year old, woman I still have a lot to learn. :)

Guys, Girls & God

If you have ever been single and in your twenties the combination of these three (guys, girls, & God) can be one of the most confusing things ever. There have been countless books written on the subject not to mention a plethora of blogs and articles addressing everything from relationships to dating to boundaries.

Here's the deal, God created us for relationship. First, a relationship with Him then relationships with others. Somewhere in there throw in a couple of passages from Genesis, Gods family plan, plus the desires of a young heart and things could get messy. I know it does for me... living in suburbia and your best friend getting married doesn't really help clear anything up but as I've taken this before God again and again I'm starting to learn a few things I thought I'd share.

First always, there is nothing more important than my relationship with God. He is my rock, in the midst of change and growth, He is the constant. He is sovereign, He knows, He sees and I can rest in His love for me. He is worth it all, all of me, all my well-laid plans, all my hopes and dreams pale in comparison to knowing Him. (this last truth can be the hardest to keep at the forefront of my thoughts but it doesn't make it any less true and there is that whole verse about loving God with all your mind ;)

There is grace for the process, thank God! I know I'm one who likes to get things all figured out, I want to see the big picture and know each step it will take to get there, I love the plan. While this attribute of mine is very helpful at work, it's not so helpful when it comes to guys or really relationships in general. There's a point where you simply have to trust God. Trust Him to cover your mistakes, trust Him to grow you up, and trust Him with the desires of your heart.

The beautiful thing about all of this could be human mess is it's a perfect opportunity for God to be glorified. While it isn't easy navigating your twenties or really life for that matter with all it's relationships, surprises, and heartache... Knowing God is for you and trusting Him with it all, especially when it comes to the dreams in your heart, is always a good place to start and it's always worth it.

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Why are you smiling?

1 Peter 3:15- but in your hearts honor God as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.

ALWAYS be ready to give an account, even at the passport line in DFW. I was getting back from a mission trip to India and was thinking about all that God did, the favor, blessing, and hope He gave to us. Next thing I knew I was up at the passport line. The guard looked at me walking up and had to ask, "why are you smiling?" it was a funny question, one he wasn't sure he should have asked, said in a tone of mixed sarcasm and incredulity. I so regret not giving him the true answer... I said something about being happy to be home... The truth was I was in love with my Savior and thinking about our wonderful adventure together.

Here's the deal, that man sees hundreds of people come through, he knows what it looks like to be happy to be home... He was asking for the reason of the hope he saw within me.

Next time, I want to be ready and quick to respond. What does that preparation look like? I have a few guesses but that's one of the things I'm asking God for this year. Show me how to prepare, give me words to say, let me bring glory to You from the depth of our relationship as I honor You as Lord and as holy in my heart.

Looking forward to the preparation God has.


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Love

I feel like there is a lot to say on this subject... And the way you view it forms who you are in a lot of ways.

Are you one who loves well? Do I love people well? What is love anyway... Oh wait, the bible defines it and it's pretty intense. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not easily angered nor does it hold any record of wrong... We could stop right there... Holds NO record of wrong?! So that list I have in my head of things I can recall way too quickly in areas I feel like I've been wronged... Not exactly biblical. This list wouldn't be a problem if I didn't want to love people well, so there's one option. Just ignore love, build walls, decide who isn't going to hurt me based on past experiences, and be safe.

Mmmm that doesn't sound so good, in fact it looks like it leads to a road of bitterness... I'm pretty sure that's not what I was created for...

So what am I created for?

I'm going to pull out my bible and get back to you on that.

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Community

Everywhere I look I see evidence of the fact that we are made for community. Whether it's fans at a baseball game, friends in a tv show, or random people at jury duty we are made to do life together. The thing is... We're not meant just to do life with other people... How do I know this? Because the best, most fulfilling community is found in a healthy church. You see people always gather around something, there is something that draws them together... Sometimes it's similar interests, sometimes it's heartbreak or pain, and sometimes it's God.(the cool thing is God is a big God and most of the time it's Him without us knowing it).

Tonight was our small group expo at church. I was overwhelmed at the feeling of community, of belonging, of peace. It makes worship richer, communion more palpable, and my heart more open to receive all God has. I was looking around at the end of worship and I couldn't stop the tears of joy... So many people from all different walks of life and from all different seasons of life. There's the guerras and peases right next to the kalers and soon to be peoples :) I love it!!! The overwhelming thought of Who was bringing all of us together, of the beauty of a King who draws all of us to Him... Powerful and awe inspiring.

It's late and I don't know if this is really making sense. I simply couldn't stop thinking about the wonder of a God who creates us this way and then fulfills His creation for perfect community is found in Him..


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