Guys, Girls, and God 2

So quite a lot has happened in my life in regards to this whole dating thing.

Two weeks ago I went on a blind date of sorts. I went to coffee with a friend's cousin who is conducting a christian dating research project. He's a great guy, he's never been in a relationship and he's decided to see what all the hubbub is about by going on any date someone sets him up with within the next year and blogging about it. All in all a very interesting concept... I happened to be one of those dates. The experience revealed and confirmed a lot about myself and my views on dating.

I’m not really a date to get to know you person. I like getting to know someone without the weird pressure of a date. I like getting to know someone in a group setting. I like living life with people, seeing how they respond to different pressures or situations and encouraging one another through it whether that be a guy or a girl. When it comes to dating, while I’d love to ascribe to the “get a free meal/ coffee out of the deal,” I’m just not wired that way. I don’t want to invest one on one time or one on one emotional energy unless I really like the guy and I’m pretty sure it’s going somewhere… and it takes a bit for me to get there. In short, I like to be friends first.

Well, this thought opened a can of worms. I realized I wasn't really friends with guys... pretty much because I'm convinced a girl and guy aren't friends unless there is some level of attraction there on one side or the other. It's a lot easier to avoid good friendships with someone of the opposite sex and not have to deal with any of the precarious feelings that spring up than to fight through those in the name of friendship. But I realized if I really did want to get to know someone through friendship first I would have to be their friend.

It all sounds well, good, and perfectly logical but where is the stopping point? Where is the line between friendship and dating if there's interest on both sides? Is it simply a matter of guarding your heart? How much are you responsible for their's? So many questions!

Ultimately, this whole thing is a little more complicated than I thought but I think friendships are worth it. I love what God teaches you about yourself and what He teaches you through the other person. We are made to live in community and to have solid relationships... all of this to say as a single, 23 year old, woman I still have a lot to learn. :)

Guys, Girls & God

If you have ever been single and in your twenties the combination of these three (guys, girls, & God) can be one of the most confusing things ever. There have been countless books written on the subject not to mention a plethora of blogs and articles addressing everything from relationships to dating to boundaries.

Here's the deal, God created us for relationship. First, a relationship with Him then relationships with others. Somewhere in there throw in a couple of passages from Genesis, Gods family plan, plus the desires of a young heart and things could get messy. I know it does for me... living in suburbia and your best friend getting married doesn't really help clear anything up but as I've taken this before God again and again I'm starting to learn a few things I thought I'd share.

First always, there is nothing more important than my relationship with God. He is my rock, in the midst of change and growth, He is the constant. He is sovereign, He knows, He sees and I can rest in His love for me. He is worth it all, all of me, all my well-laid plans, all my hopes and dreams pale in comparison to knowing Him. (this last truth can be the hardest to keep at the forefront of my thoughts but it doesn't make it any less true and there is that whole verse about loving God with all your mind ;)

There is grace for the process, thank God! I know I'm one who likes to get things all figured out, I want to see the big picture and know each step it will take to get there, I love the plan. While this attribute of mine is very helpful at work, it's not so helpful when it comes to guys or really relationships in general. There's a point where you simply have to trust God. Trust Him to cover your mistakes, trust Him to grow you up, and trust Him with the desires of your heart.

The beautiful thing about all of this could be human mess is it's a perfect opportunity for God to be glorified. While it isn't easy navigating your twenties or really life for that matter with all it's relationships, surprises, and heartache... Knowing God is for you and trusting Him with it all, especially when it comes to the dreams in your heart, is always a good place to start and it's always worth it.

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Why are you smiling?

1 Peter 3:15- but in your hearts honor God as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.

ALWAYS be ready to give an account, even at the passport line in DFW. I was getting back from a mission trip to India and was thinking about all that God did, the favor, blessing, and hope He gave to us. Next thing I knew I was up at the passport line. The guard looked at me walking up and had to ask, "why are you smiling?" it was a funny question, one he wasn't sure he should have asked, said in a tone of mixed sarcasm and incredulity. I so regret not giving him the true answer... I said something about being happy to be home... The truth was I was in love with my Savior and thinking about our wonderful adventure together.

Here's the deal, that man sees hundreds of people come through, he knows what it looks like to be happy to be home... He was asking for the reason of the hope he saw within me.

Next time, I want to be ready and quick to respond. What does that preparation look like? I have a few guesses but that's one of the things I'm asking God for this year. Show me how to prepare, give me words to say, let me bring glory to You from the depth of our relationship as I honor You as Lord and as holy in my heart.

Looking forward to the preparation God has.


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Love

I feel like there is a lot to say on this subject... And the way you view it forms who you are in a lot of ways.

Are you one who loves well? Do I love people well? What is love anyway... Oh wait, the bible defines it and it's pretty intense. Love is patient, love is kind, it is not easily angered nor does it hold any record of wrong... We could stop right there... Holds NO record of wrong?! So that list I have in my head of things I can recall way too quickly in areas I feel like I've been wronged... Not exactly biblical. This list wouldn't be a problem if I didn't want to love people well, so there's one option. Just ignore love, build walls, decide who isn't going to hurt me based on past experiences, and be safe.

Mmmm that doesn't sound so good, in fact it looks like it leads to a road of bitterness... I'm pretty sure that's not what I was created for...

So what am I created for?

I'm going to pull out my bible and get back to you on that.

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Community

Everywhere I look I see evidence of the fact that we are made for community. Whether it's fans at a baseball game, friends in a tv show, or random people at jury duty we are made to do life together. The thing is... We're not meant just to do life with other people... How do I know this? Because the best, most fulfilling community is found in a healthy church. You see people always gather around something, there is something that draws them together... Sometimes it's similar interests, sometimes it's heartbreak or pain, and sometimes it's God.(the cool thing is God is a big God and most of the time it's Him without us knowing it).

Tonight was our small group expo at church. I was overwhelmed at the feeling of community, of belonging, of peace. It makes worship richer, communion more palpable, and my heart more open to receive all God has. I was looking around at the end of worship and I couldn't stop the tears of joy... So many people from all different walks of life and from all different seasons of life. There's the guerras and peases right next to the kalers and soon to be peoples :) I love it!!! The overwhelming thought of Who was bringing all of us together, of the beauty of a King who draws all of us to Him... Powerful and awe inspiring.

It's late and I don't know if this is really making sense. I simply couldn't stop thinking about the wonder of a God who creates us this way and then fulfills His creation for perfect community is found in Him..


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"I'm letting go of the life I planned for me and my dreams, losing control of my destiny, it feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe, it feels like I'm falling and this is the life for me..."

So excited about all God is doing and learning to trust and delight in Him :)

Grief

There have been a couple of situations in the past few weeks where I have come face to face with grief, my own and that of a friend.

I've learned I'm not very good at dealing with grief. My first thought is always, "this isn't how it's supposed to be!" (As if I'm all-knowing of every situation.) Now sometimes this thought is true. God has placed eternity in our hearts... Death was never a part of the plan and in some ways death isn't how it's supposed to be.

But then there's the pride in me that thinks I know how things are supposed to be, my stubborn will that says "Lord, I know better than You" or maybe worse: "how can you work this together for good?" questioning His sovereignty or ability to do things in my life is never a good thing and definitely never peaceful.

Then there's just the sadness. What do you do when you experience loss? Especially when you know and trust the character of God? Somehow there is joy in the midst of sadness but sometimes that makes for a weird mix of emotion.


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Location:Dallas