Let's Be Honest

This last month and a half has been intense for me. So many lessons I thought I had already learned, so much insecurity. I am so thankful He promises His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I've felt very weak.

The key word there is "felt". I'm learning feelings aren't truth at an even deeper level. My reality isn't framed by how I feel. It could be and somedays I choose to see life through the haze of my emotions. Those aren't the best days.

 The really good days are when I'm letting God frame my reality. The days I choose to dwell on His truths, His word and His goodness. The days I choose to walk in all He has for me.

The best days these days are when I fail. I cannot believe I just typed that but it's true! The best days are when I judge that I've messed up in some way, I didn't walk perfectly according to what God had planned for that day or something. Those are the best days because He is so faithful to remind me of who He is and how He sees me. His truth comes alive.

He is my loving Father, my closest Friend. He knows me better than I know myself and yet, He loves me. It's in those moments I'm reminded it's not all about me anyway.

There is a whole world of people out there who need Him, they need Jesus. They need to know He loves them, wants a relationship with them and paid the ultimate price to offer them that gift. I want them to know Him. To know hope, abundant life, joy and peace in the midst of everything. At the very same time I'm realizing I need Him. I want to know Him so much more and I can see a tapestry in my head.

 I always think in pictures and when I start thinking about what God is up to and how much He loves us, I see a Master Weaver at a majestic loom meticulously weaving with absolute joy. He is creating beauty out of our mess and working all things together for the good of those who love Him. I'm thankful.

Perfect Fairytale

I just googled "perfect fairytale" and you know what came up? Thousands of wedding sites...

This has been a hard week.

Life's just like that sometimes. Hard and painful. I'm so thankful for hope.

Elevate, my church's youth ministry is raising money to build an orphanage in India. Me and a couple of my friends have been helping out by writing different content for the sponsor cards, website, and other communication pieces. My favorite piece we've written so far was a paragraph on hope.

Sometimes hope seems really far away, sometimes it's hard to see the light of other dreams as you're dying to the one right in front of you. That's what this week has felt like. While it's felt that way I'm so thankful life isn't about feelings. I'm so glad truth isn't dependent on how I feel or what I think. Truth is simple, truth is a person and I'm convinced I wouldn't be able to live my life if I didn't know Him. He's my hope.

Despite everything else that is going on. Despite all of the hurt and pain I see in this world or feel or even cause, He's bigger. He's constant. And He is love.

And while I'm not at all good at resting, I can rest in that and I'm choosing to this week.

Sometimes it's the hard and painful things in life that teach us the most and sometimes it isn't all about the lesson. I'm not sure which this falls under but to borrow one of my favorite lines ever: "All of human wisdom can be summed up in these two words; 'wait and hope.'" Wait and hope.

Guys, Girls, and God 2

So quite a lot has happened in my life in regards to this whole dating thing.

Two weeks ago I went on a blind date of sorts. I went to coffee with a friend's cousin who is conducting a christian dating research project. He's a great guy, he's never been in a relationship and he's decided to see what all the hubbub is about by going on any date someone sets him up with within the next year and blogging about it. All in all a very interesting concept... I happened to be one of those dates. The experience revealed and confirmed a lot about myself and my views on dating.

I’m not really a date to get to know you person. I like getting to know someone without the weird pressure of a date. I like getting to know someone in a group setting. I like living life with people, seeing how they respond to different pressures or situations and encouraging one another through it whether that be a guy or a girl. When it comes to dating, while I’d love to ascribe to the “get a free meal/ coffee out of the deal,” I’m just not wired that way. I don’t want to invest one on one time or one on one emotional energy unless I really like the guy and I’m pretty sure it’s going somewhere… and it takes a bit for me to get there. In short, I like to be friends first.

Well, this thought opened a can of worms. I realized I wasn't really friends with guys... pretty much because I'm convinced a girl and guy aren't friends unless there is some level of attraction there on one side or the other. It's a lot easier to avoid good friendships with someone of the opposite sex and not have to deal with any of the precarious feelings that spring up than to fight through those in the name of friendship. But I realized if I really did want to get to know someone through friendship first I would have to be their friend.

It all sounds well, good, and perfectly logical but where is the stopping point? Where is the line between friendship and dating if there's interest on both sides? Is it simply a matter of guarding your heart? How much are you responsible for their's? So many questions!

Ultimately, this whole thing is a little more complicated than I thought but I think friendships are worth it. I love what God teaches you about yourself and what He teaches you through the other person. We are made to live in community and to have solid relationships... all of this to say as a single, 23 year old, woman I still have a lot to learn. :)

Guys, Girls & God

If you have ever been single and in your twenties the combination of these three (guys, girls, & God) can be one of the most confusing things ever. There have been countless books written on the subject not to mention a plethora of blogs and articles addressing everything from relationships to dating to boundaries.

Here's the deal, God created us for relationship. First, a relationship with Him then relationships with others. Somewhere in there throw in a couple of passages from Genesis, Gods family plan, plus the desires of a young heart and things could get messy. I know it does for me... living in suburbia and your best friend getting married doesn't really help clear anything up but as I've taken this before God again and again I'm starting to learn a few things I thought I'd share.

First always, there is nothing more important than my relationship with God. He is my rock, in the midst of change and growth, He is the constant. He is sovereign, He knows, He sees and I can rest in His love for me. He is worth it all, all of me, all my well-laid plans, all my hopes and dreams pale in comparison to knowing Him. (this last truth can be the hardest to keep at the forefront of my thoughts but it doesn't make it any less true and there is that whole verse about loving God with all your mind ;)

There is grace for the process, thank God! I know I'm one who likes to get things all figured out, I want to see the big picture and know each step it will take to get there, I love the plan. While this attribute of mine is very helpful at work, it's not so helpful when it comes to guys or really relationships in general. There's a point where you simply have to trust God. Trust Him to cover your mistakes, trust Him to grow you up, and trust Him with the desires of your heart.

The beautiful thing about all of this could be human mess is it's a perfect opportunity for God to be glorified. While it isn't easy navigating your twenties or really life for that matter with all it's relationships, surprises, and heartache... Knowing God is for you and trusting Him with it all, especially when it comes to the dreams in your heart, is always a good place to start and it's always worth it.

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Why are you smiling?

1 Peter 3:15- but in your hearts honor God as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.

ALWAYS be ready to give an account, even at the passport line in DFW. I was getting back from a mission trip to India and was thinking about all that God did, the favor, blessing, and hope He gave to us. Next thing I knew I was up at the passport line. The guard looked at me walking up and had to ask, "why are you smiling?" it was a funny question, one he wasn't sure he should have asked, said in a tone of mixed sarcasm and incredulity. I so regret not giving him the true answer... I said something about being happy to be home... The truth was I was in love with my Savior and thinking about our wonderful adventure together.

Here's the deal, that man sees hundreds of people come through, he knows what it looks like to be happy to be home... He was asking for the reason of the hope he saw within me.

Next time, I want to be ready and quick to respond. What does that preparation look like? I have a few guesses but that's one of the things I'm asking God for this year. Show me how to prepare, give me words to say, let me bring glory to You from the depth of our relationship as I honor You as Lord and as holy in my heart.

Looking forward to the preparation God has.


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